Do you ever feel like you’re a puppet in someone else’s life? That every move you make, every action you do, every word you say or do not say is somehow controlled by someone else? You carefully choose the words to keep to yourself and which one to say out loud, only because you’re afraid of what they might think or of hurting them?
You try so hard to pull away and be your own person, but in the end still find yourself doing things according to how they would feel, act, respond etc. Of course there is that time you get so angry and think “I don’t care if this hurts them or not, I’m gonna do as I please and say what I think”? And maybe for a couple of minutes you contemplate the idea of doing as you please and forget about how they would feel, and for a couple of minutes you feel like yourself again; yet that small precious moment suddenly disappears and you find yourself a puppet once again.
It’s a cruel thing to think that your life is not your own. To think that the one person who makes you happy is also the reason you can be completely and utterly devastated with your life. But the worst part is when you are so down because of them and they don’t give a damn about it, and yet you still totally depend on their change of mind/heart in order to make you better. This is the part where you realize you are a real puppet.
You pull away for a moment, only to realize that your master had merely slightly loosened the ropes, to make you believe that you could actually escape. How cruel is it that you only get a make-believe of your freedom? To be constantly reminded that you cannot escape, that no matter how much you pull and grapple, you’ll never be completely free.
And then you start asking yourself questions of how you ever let this happen. When did you become a puppet? When did you let someone else have so much control over your own life? How did you not see it and stop it?
But then again, all this is pointless now and you are left lifting arms, and making steps that are not your own, saying words that aren’t yours and hiding the things you really want to say.
Pull on puppet-master. Pull on your strings and make me sing and dance to your tune.